“for brown girls who once considered themselves” and other poems

in 2029, i wake up next to a stranger.
the word husband for us is like paprika —
it adds color. the wedding beads sag me into the
morning, my hairline voice clusters
with cracks. in the kitchen, i find myself tugging at the yellow
lining inside the egg until it bursts. i watch it fall apart
like a caged art — i watch the stranger head off to work. i stay
home, because i can, my new altar — there, a statue gushes
with cement — inside the statue is a mourning,
the lump gullied into the chest. the ground
bedded itself to my feet, their angry screaming
a creak — the haunting of the floor, cream walls,
flaky palms, chandelier looming over
like a tarantula. the floor paces my steps, the sound
padding the air. amma, do you know why i am here?
what hoards my mind is not the blank air but the
space between me and my stranger as we rubberly
slide into each other, when our rhythm keeps at
scratching like a dry throat. my stranger and i table
across each other with the sambar bubbling as our noise —
my mother whispered to me once that
she’d kill me if i didn’t eat so i ate even though
i was stuffed and today i am again stuffed — my bloat
carving a balloon out into me. amma, daddy, can
you hear me? the leftover of our silence
spoiling out of my mouth. on facebook,
all the aunties wish us happy 10th anniversary.
my stranger buys me 10 balloons to fill the air.
i build the stranger’s favorite sambar from my flaky palms,
ceiling it with the finest paprika.

wee ledge cull³ chore⁴

after Jos Charles’ “Feeld”

mi granh ma wayks uhp aht 4 evry mourning
krushes kolord chawk / n mayks flaw⁵ irs en frunt of thuh haus
she dunt evr gow to aurt skull⁶
jus mayks hah haum en aurt
thuh wyld kanvess
mi granh ma gaut hah peer ye ud aht 13
draw pd aut uf skull
staurt ed lurn eng flaw ir beld eng fraum hah moth⁷ ir
deed ent leaf hah haus a gayn
un teal sheh gaut mar⁸ reed⁹
thay say a womb mans vaw ji nah iz a flaw ir
a geeft tuh yaur haus bend¹⁰
a geeft thauht eef u peak¹¹ too soun eet wheel nev ah b az
byu ti fuhl az eet 1 suh waus
suh mi granh ma tented¹² tuh hah flaw irs
gayv thahm a doll¹³ cate¹⁴ nay chore
gayv thahm az a lot tuh mi granh paw
hiz chawk tuh craw shhh
aht thuh brayk uf done
hah peer yu ed
en frunt uf bod dee haus ed

3 Cull : especially something picked out and put aside as inferior

4 Chore : a hard or unpleasant task

5 Flaw : a feature that mars in perfection

6 Skull : the head as the center of knowledge and understanding; mind

7 Moth : insect that benefits plants by pollinating flowers while feeding on their nectar

8 Mar : to disfigure, deface, or scar

9 Reed : a weak or impressionable person

10 Bend : to force an object from a straight form into a curved or angular one

11 Peak : reach a highest point; greatest maximum

12 Tented : covered with or living in as a tent

13 Doll : dress someone or oneself smartly and attractively

14 Cate : a choice food; a delicacy